Dear New Mother: A Letter From Me To Me
Aug 10
Dear Me,
Congratulations on your first baby!! Wow – what a rough birth huh? Not quite as you planned – you have a lot to process at the moment but you’ll get there, I promise.
Your baby is absolutely beautiful! I know you feel like a great big protective Mama-Bear right now and I think that’s great. I am sure that means that those mothering instincts are kicking in! I can see in your eyes how very much you love that baby girl, she is your dream come true!
November 2004
Now here’s the kicker – I am YOU! The thing is I am 8 years and 4 children (yes 4 OMG) older. I want to share a few things with you because motherhood doesn’t come with an instruction manual, but here are a few tips that I have learned through the benefit of hindsight. Do with them as you will!
Firstly, stop worrying about how you’re going to be the perfect mother. It’s a myth – the perfect mother does not exist. I want you to focus on living in the moment. Because as often as you hear it – it really is the truth, the days will pass by so quickly and you will be left with just the memories. Make them good ones!!
Your maternity hospital is fantastic – you are so lucky to have so many kind and loving nurses and midwives to look after you. Except that ONE cranky midwife who upsets you. Don’t let her. She says that you are holding your baby too much and creating a rod for your own back – Bah to her! This is your NEW BABY!! Enjoy that delicious smell and her soft pink skin and her tiny little fingernails. Hold her to your hearts content. Inhale her! You CANNOT spoil a baby – you just CAN’T! You will become more passionate about this with each new baby, so let me tell you now, you can’t overdose a baby on hugs!
December 2004
How are those boobs going – wowsers!! Isn’t it an awful feeling when the milk comes in? Cabbage leaves – seriously. Don’t laugh when everyone tells you that – it really works! Breastfeeding is tricky. It can feel like you’ll never get that latch right, it can hurt like hell, and it’s uncomfortable having boobs as hard as rockmelons. Persevere. Trust me. It DOES get easier. And it will be one of the best memories of your life.
Please let others share the miracle that is your new baby. I know how hard it is to put her down, or even to let anyone else hold her right now. But when people (usually elderly women!) approach you in the shops to look at your baby, or stroke her soft little cheek, let them be a part of your world just for a small moment. Babies are joyous and deserve to be celebrated by our society. You will be giving people the gift of maybe reliving some memories of their own babies, many many years ago. One day you will hope to stroke the cheeks of newborn babies, and you will hope to be able to share this moment with new mothers too.
You’re probably feeling overwhelmed by all the advice that people are giving you. Try to remember that it comes from a place of love. Accept it graciously, even if you don’t agree with it. A simple smile and nod is often enough for people to feel heard. You’ll do what you think is the right thing to do anyway, but you never know when that advice or different perspective will be of use over the years.
Books (and the Internet) are great! There is information about anything and everything out there! Just remember that they are not talking about YOUR baby. Don’t fall into the trap of constantly comparing YOUR baby with “the average” baby. Your baby is unique, special and their own little person. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Your relationship with your husband will be forever changed. This is not good or bad, it just is. You will see him in a new light, and you will experience an entirely new depth of love as you watch him care for the baby that you both created. Don’t mourn for what was, embrace what is. And don’t shut him out. This is his first baby too you know – he probably feels the same worries, fears, and sense of overwhelm that you do. And even if he doesn’t, you need to share your feelings. It’s OK to be vulnerable. You are not Superwoman.
And here’s the biggest tip of all – LOVE your baby! In the midst of the crying, and endless feeding, and lack of sleep, and crazy hormones, and a messy house, and dirty nappies, and post-baby body issues, and laundry that continues to pile up – remember that your baby just wants to be loved. All too soon she will be grown and you will look back on this time with such powerful emotions. You’re doing a great job! Follow your instincts, listen to your heart, and be forever thankful for that little miracle that has been entrusted into your arms.
August 2012
Congratulations Mama – your journey of a lifetime has begun.
All my love,
Me xx
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This post has been kindly sponsored by the team at Kids Business, in celebration and honour of their “Happiness Inspires Happiness” initiative which is entirely focused on inspiring other mums to feel happy about themselves, their achievements, their bodies, their life and their future, through a series of posts written by mums who blog.
Great advice Nat. I would have given myself the same advice completely.
Thank you Kristy
What a beautiful post. I can totally relate to the cranky midwives – I had two; one during labour and one post labour. I love the part about never being able to spoil a baby. I loved loved loved cradling my little ones and embrace everything about them. I look forward to having bub 3 ( not until after Iil miss is 2yrs- which is in 7month)
Marcela those little bubs just fit so perfectly into our arms don’t they! Wishing you all the best for the magical arrival of your Bub Number 3!
Yes! Beautiful, lovely Nat, just beautiful xxx
Thank you so much Jess <3
Just beautiful Nat! I agree with everything you have said wholeheartedly and only wish that I would understood these things when people said it to my when Skye was born, but i dont think it has true meaning until you have lived it for yourself. Im looking forward to making a conscious effort to soak it all up with the next one
Oh Erin I am so excited about following your pregnancy. Number two is such a beautiful time – the worry of the first time subsides and you find more moments to just enjoy. Can’t wait til we see your new little bub!!
LOVE !!
Thanks Wendy
I am currently pregnant with number 3, hopefully a little wiser this time. Your post was just gorgeous, made me a little teary too but in a good way. ps love the photos!
Thanks Virginia – I feel like I look so young! Sigh – time passes so quickly. Congratulations on your number 3 bundle!!! How wonderful!
To true Nat..shame about the cranky midwife..:(( baby’s & children need spoiling with a little guidance & they turn out ‘ right’..lovely post..
Thanks Nikki
I look back and wish I had spoilt them a little more now – lucky I’m making up for it now 
Nat, so lovely to read. You have again inspired us to treasure what matters most in life. Love the images. Thanks for being a part of the Happiness Inspires Happiness Initiative.
Thank you Christie for inspiring me to write this. If only I could actually go back 8 years and give me the letter!
What a beautiful post. I’m about to have our second child and reading this has bought back so many memories of what it was like having a newborn in the house. I can’t wait to do it all again and your advice is spot-on!
Thank you Caroline. How wonderful to be looking forward to those magic days ahead. Wishing you a safe and beautiful arrival of your Little Number 2!
Lovely to read the insight I wish I had 16 years ago when my first little miracle arrived. They do grow up so quickly. But I finally have a wonderful balance in the hug department as a specialist foster carer for new babies. I don’t get to do the birth and breast feeding thing anymore but boy do I savor the hugs from these little ones that I often have to give back all too soon and I am the queen of routine at the same time too, so hugs and routine can go hand in hand.
Now can you just write something inspiring about surly teenagers for me? Lol
Oh EJ – what a special job you do as a foster carer. Those children are very lucky to have your arms to snuggle into! As for surly teenagers – um pass. I’m in denial about that stage!
Great advice Natalie. They’re not babies for long and it’s such a magic time – savour it.
Thank you Tina – so very true!