In Passionate Support of Caesarean Births
Nov 02
I have struggled with this topic. I have questioned whether I should write about it. I have doubted whether anyone would read it. I have worried about how it would be received. But every doubt and worry was overtaken by the thought that maybe, just maybe, this post might help someone who finds themselves in the position that I found myself in 7 years ago.
We have recently celebrated Homebirth Awareness Week in Australia. I have seen some beautiful posts from women sharing their births of their babies in the home. (Note I have not said “successful” home births because this infers that if the mother and baby are transferred into a higher level of medical care then the birth must subsequently be termed a “failed” or “unsuccessful” home birth. I will never, ever, describe ANY birth as a failure – I’ll come back to this shortly).
So wind back the clock 7 years… I was heavily pregnant with my first baby. I’d had a dream pregnancy and at my last OB appointment, I’d been told by my beautiful and trusted OB that he had every expectation of a low complication birth for me. We even joked that I probably wouldn’t even need him. Two days after my due date, I felt the first twinges which I instinctively knew were the first signs of labour. I was so ready for this. I had my birth plan neatly written out, Daddy Smiles knew that he was to be at my beck and call and was a great help in calmly talking me through each contraction.
As we drove into hospital, the contractions were coming thick and fast but it was an indescribable pain…nothing like I had ever felt before. It was such a “good” pain if that makes any sense. Intellectually I could tell myself that this pain was taking me closer to meeting my baby, but physically it was out of this world. I tried the birth ball, the shower and even a warm bath while sucking on some gas. When I couldn’t find any way to recover from one contraction on top of the other, I asked for an epidural. It brought immediate relief, and gave me a chance to clear my mind and re-focus on the next stage … pushing. I felt every inch of my body bear down – and I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. I couldn’t stop pushing if I tried.
The midwife was saying, “I can see the head”, and so I pushed a little more! But I just knew something wasn’t right. It was like pushing up against a brick wall – it didn’t matter how hard I pushed, it didn’t matter how much I wanted to move that baby out, she just wasn’t moving. And yet my body kept pushing – refusing to give up.
Suddenly I realised that there were urgent whispered conversations between midwives, between people coming in and out of the room. My husband was looking from one worried face to another. I heard phone calls being made, and eventually someone said to me, “Your baby is stuck and we need to get her out … now”. In the middle of all of this, I was still pushing, still feeling the regular and powerful surges. I felt every single contraction, and each time I desperately tried to make it “the one” – the one contraction which would get her moving. The one push that would stop everyone freaking out, so I could say “See, I told you I could do this. I wanted her to slip out, and I would hold her in my arms, and scold her lovingly for making us all panic. But she wasn’t moving, no matter how hard I pushed.
I was prepped for a caesarean, and wheeled into the OR. The OB had a look and said we had to get the baby out – I was about to udergo an emergency c-section. As I burst into tears, he suggested that we first attempt to give the baby a hand with the use of forceps. By this stage, I would have done anything – anything – to avoid a c/s, so I said Yes. But it didn’t work. She didn’t even budge. “Failed forceps” was written on my notes. Failed.
I don’t accept failure. At anything. Every test, every exam, every challenge. I don’t fail. And yet there it was. Childbirth – apparently the “most natural” thing in the world for women. And I had failed.
The c/s happened and in just 10 short minutes, my baby was born. Pink and screaming her little lungs out. She was so LOUD. In my haze, I thought she was angry with me. I thought she was yelling at me – for not helping her, for making her wait, for not delivering her in the way that I should have. My first test as a Mummy– I HAD FAILED.
Fast forward to today. And as I sit back and remember those feelings – I feel that complete sense of disappointment and despair, and sorrow. I feel so sorry for that young Mum that I was all those years ago. I cry even more tears, even when I thought I had cried the last of those tears, there always seem to be more.
Those feelings are forever marked in my memory – indelibly etched into my heart and in my soul.
I spent years, literally years, looking at “what went wrong”. I researched my hospital notes, I spoke with multiple OBs, midwives, doulas, paediatricians. I researched the latest studies, had a full medical including x-rays, and sought advice online from other women. Slowly I began to find peace in what had happened, and I began to get a handle instead on “what went right”.
I realised that every time I told myself that I had failed, I was doing a huge disservice to the miracles that my body had already achieved. For 9 long months I had grown and nurtured a beautiful and healthy little baby. Every eyelash, every fingernail – I made those little pieces of perfection. And right when she needed me most, I never once let her down. I surrounded myself with the very best doctors – the best health care providers. I listened to my instincts – the ones that told me that something wasn’t happening the way it should have been. I gave her life. I did that for her. Because without that team of professionals, without the medical assistance that we take so for granted in this country, my baby would never have made it into my arms. And there is a good chance that I wouldn’t have survived the birth either.
I birthed that baby in the best way – indeed the only way, I knew how. I birthed her with love, and with absolute consideration for her health and well-being. As I nestled her on my breast, I gave her sustenance. After everything that my body had been through, after all the shock and emotional exhaustion and physical exertion, my body gave her the miracle of my breastmilk. I nourished her. As my arms wrapped around her, I kept her safe, and warm, and she was so very loved.
And because I had fantastic medical care, and because I am incredibly lucky and blessed, I went on to have another three children, all birthed beautifully via caesarean. Each birth just as incredible, just as inspiring, just as magnificent.
And so I feel so very sad when I read about women who talk of their “failed” births, when women refer to non-vaginal births in disparaging terms (eg, using the term “surgically removed” , or refusing to acknowledge that a caesarean birth is actually a “birth”), and even the location of the birth being an issue (home birth being “better” than hospital birth). It’s petty, and for those of us who never really had a choice, it can be deeply upsetting.
Every mother on this planet should be in absolute awe of the miracle of childbirth. It doesn’t matter how long you labour, what pain relief you choose, whether you are on your back, on your hands and knees, standing on your head, in a shower, submerged in water, or lying in a field of roses – the fact remains that the birth of your baby is one of life’s miracles. No-one has any right to tell you how you “should have” birthed – because, well, it is what it is. No more, no less. Every single baby has their own birth story and we are simply lucky enough to be part of that story.
I am forever thankful, knowing what I know now about my body, that I could even have given birth to one baby, let alone four.
One day…. hopefully sooner rather than later, we mothers will stop being so hard on each other. We’ll stop talking about the “perfect” birth, and we’ll just celebrate “birth”. We’ll stop comparing ourselves to others, and we’ll be grateful for what we’ve been given.
Motherhood is so much more than the way we birth our babies. Let’s celebrate motherhood – all of it, in all it’s glory, no matter how we begin the journey.
Each birth is different. NONE of them are failures. We have no control over our bodies in labour. My first birth was like yours Nat, emergency caesar. At the time I didn’t care, I just wanted that ‘thing’ out (banana head, 9lb 10oz), lol. Next birth was active, (almost 48hrs) forceps. 3rd birth, floppy legs, couldn’t move, natural. Fourth birth, floppy body and legs again, baby stuck, almost emergency caesar again but got him out, wasn’t breathing but revived him eventually, phew. Fifth birth, mix of active and floppy, down to 6hrs all up, nature. So, you really can’t plan what will happen in that labour ward. As long as the baby comes out healthy, who cares. As adults, we are never asked, “oh, how was the labour when you were born?”, lol, it’s all forgotten. Years back, women in our position Nat would have died, mothers and babies. We are so lucky to be able to give birth comfortably and survive. You have 4 healthy, happy kids Nat, who care’s how they came out
Thank you for sharing your stories Jules – how scary for you when Baby 4 had to be revived. So glad they are all healthy and happy now
Bravo Nat.
I’m a passionate supporter of homebirth, and am saddened by the treatment of independent midwives in this country as well as fearful for the right of women to make this choice.
I also believe that just as women deserve the right to birth at home, so they also deserve the right to a caesarean be it emergency or elective. You can’t argue for bodily autonomy for one without the other. I don’t *understand* truly elective CS but I respect that women deserve the right to make that decision for themeselves. And of course ECS is and has been a literal lifesaver for many women and their babies.
I’ve had three hospital births and a homebirth. Guess what?! You can’t tell who was born how by looking at any of my children
Thank you so much Kate. I love your open acceptance of ALL births.
I had a scary emergency c-section with my first. I choose an elective c-section for the 2nd. I LOVED it! Calm happy in control. It was the most beautiful birth. I was present. She feed in recovery and was a calm baby. Not like my born son born in distress who screamed for months. I love c-sections!
Kristy it’s amazing how much calmer everyone is – even the baby with the elective. One of the reasons that I decided not to start labour with my later babies, even though it was my choice, was that I didn’t want the stress of an emergency caesar.
Thanks for sharing your story, I must admit it made me cry a little. Of course your birth was not a failure, it angers me that the language used, the implication of failure to birth naturally is so hurtful and dismissive.
I can’t think of a more special moment on this earth than the birth of a child. It matters not how they got here, just that they got here. That moment when you hear them cry and you feel them in your arms, you touch their face, it’s the best moment.
Oh that is so true – that first touch, When your eyes meet the first time. Wow – just takes my breath away remembering <3
Both of my sons were born by c-section, and I don’t regret it for one minute! Thank you for sharing this.
Congrats on your babies Jenci
I am so glad you decided to publish this. I had tears as you described your searching for validation after the birth and yet more tears as you described holding your daughter for the first time.
It is sad that we consider a c-section to be any kind of failure, the method of delivery has no bearing on the ability of the parent to care for their child and it is a very real risk that were it not for the medical resources we have in this country at this time, you may not have been here to even share your story let alone birth 3 more children who are all equally lucky to have you as their mother.
We don’t get to hear enough stories that focus on the success of delivering a healthy, loved baby. too often it is a report card of the pain relief and interventions that were necessary. As if there is some kind of grade given at the end for how we performed. As far as I am concerned, if you end up with a baby in your arms, you get an A+++.
Beautifully written xx
Oh Erin isn’t that report card so true! Even the poor babies get graded with their scores straight away lol! Thank you so much for your support and kind words.xx
I too had tears reading this post this morning. My first son was an emergency c-section after I was induced. Whilst I didn’t feel a failure in myself I certainly felt it implied by others (outside my family members and close friends who were incredibly supportive). When I didn’t get a choice with my second son, it didn’t bother me as I had already decided within myself to elect to have a c-section second time around due to the medical complications that resulted in the first c-section. With both births, if they had of occurred naturally I still would have ended up in the OR after their delivery for emergency surgery due to complications. I found the planned c-section the second time around to be very calm and I loved it as I didn’t have the stress and worry of whether I would have the same problems I had the first time around.
I think you have written this story so beautifully and agree that all births are wonderful, no matter what you choose or if you don’t get a choice. What matters is that you get your beautiful, healthy bub in your arms.
No mother is ever a failure, no matter what path they take to get there.
Amie good on you for having the fortitude to know what was the right thing for your babies. A healthy Mum and healthy baby – all that matters
Why has having a baby, changed to “having the RIGHT labour”, something people compare/judge & compete about? No one falls pregnant in order to have “a labour”, we fall pregnant to have a child. It doesn’t matter how they arrive into the world, the point is its a miracle that they DID arrive into the world. Finding a mate/sperm donor
, conception, making it through 35+ weeks of pregnancy, surviving labour (mum & bub), surviving first months of life – To get through these things is a miracle.
There are a myriad of issues that can occur from conception to first years of life. Making child creation a difficult & miraculous journey (unacheivable for many) no matter how they finally arrive out of the womb. Child birth in whatever form is simply a part of the process to achieve the end result of “A child”, “my/our baby”, “a family”. The birth part is NOT the finale nor the result you set out to achieve – The Baby is the thing we all want, it seems to me we have lost sight of the real goal.
It’s so true Kim. Often we let ourselves be defined by that one day. When really we should be thanking our lucky stars to even GET to that one day. Women, childbirth – it’s all so amazing!
Oh I could have written this post! I had a “failed” induction and “failure” to progress with Master O. It all ended with an emergency c-section. My Ob told me “Your body isnt designed to “birth” babies” I struggled to accept it. and I mean STRUGGLED. Her words reverberrated in my minds every night. Arent all womens bodies designed to have babies? I spoke to a doula, got my hospital notes, changed obstetricians and hospitals to find someone who would make me feel positive about birth. I went on to have a complicated time falling pregnant again, a complicated pregnancy but the most amazing VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Caesarean) Oh how I would love to hunt that OB down and tell her my story!
Congrats on you VBAC Larissa!
Congatulations on writing this beautiful piece!! It made me cry and brought me back to my own 2 births.
Although I did not have caesarians I truly believe that they are a necessary part of birth for mothers or babies who are in any kind of danger. Look back to the past when so many mothers or bubs died because this wasn’t available then.
I am in a mum’s group of 5 from our ante natal class 5 years ago and out of us only one would be alive today if not for modern medical intervention.(I have had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy) None of us are against intervention when it is needed for a safe birth and every baby deserves that.
That’s some pretty scary statistics Anna – we really are so blessed to be in this country with such skilled professionals.
I have had 4 c-sections, number three was the only elective one. Yes I felt like a failure, then with baby number one, I also had no milk. So I had a baby who suffered with ‘failure to thrive’. Baby number one and I were both “FAILURES”.
For me fast forward 10 years and baby number four was born at 34 weeks via emergency c-section. She ruptured my uterus, it was touch and go for both of us but we are fine three years on.
No mother is a failure, nor a child because they are not reaching the acceptable milestones, life takes time. I wish I knew then what I know now, life would have been so much easier.
Every new mum should have to read your post.
Oh Stacey – that gave me chills!!! How very very scary for you. I am so glad you are both OK <3
As always Nat, a moving and passionate post. Why do we have to be so hard on each other and especially hard on ourselves.
Thank you Holly
Amen!
My first was a vaginal birth, and it was so easy and natural that my second birth (Elective CS) felt like a complete failure. There were complications that resulted in the CS but it didn’t change the way I felt about it.
It’s taken me a very long time to accept what happened to us, and the pain we went through after with a sick baby in hospital, but we came out alive and that’s all that matters.
Child birth is a MIRACLE, no matter where they come out. We are lucky to have the experience at all!
Great post Nat x
Thanks Kellie. I can imagine that your second birth must have been very confusing for you, especially after such an easy first birth. Have a sick little bub just makes things all the more difficult. You have done an amazing job with your babes
Very well written. I can totally relate to your experience Nat I had a very similar scenario happen with my first child. I continued on to have 2 more children by csection. I will not call it elective as this really annoys me, I do not elect to have a body that can not deliver naturally but I do elect to have my babies delivered the safest way possible for them. I do believe that people misinterpret the meaning of the word elective csection they assume that as soon as it says elective you have chosen this option just simply because it is convenient and fits in with your social calendar or I just simply didn’t want to go through the pain of labour. Trust me if I could ask for one thing to change it would be to experience natural childbirth.
So true Regina. My OB referred to my c/s as scheduled rather than elective, which helped me a little.
This was such a beautiful post Nat. Brought back so many memories of all those years ago. It doesn’t matter which way our little bubs need to be brought into this world, all that matters is that we get to hold our beautiful babies in our arms. It is from that moment on that really counts. The way we love, nurture and care for this miracle that we have created.
Oh Nat, I have to admit I was so insanely jealous when you delivered your little boy naturally just a week later. But then when I held him in your room for the first time, he was just so divine. I knew it was crazy to be jealous of such a miracle xx
Beautiful post Nat. I feel your words.
My Sophie’s birth was an obstructed labour. You are right in Afica and Ethiopia your baby would not have survived and you would have got a fistula. Horrendous. I had a csection for Sophie and I was happy but later sad then I realised it could have been very different if I wasn’t where i was.
I went on to have two other vagina births with Nicholas being the last. All births were precious. But by the third birth I finally felt that I did it properly. Weird hey? Like I needed three turns to get it right.
I think that’s a really valid feeling Gemma. And I am certain that some women do have more babies just to “get it right”. How awful that we as a society put so much value on how our babies are born that we feel like we need to “correct” things. So sad. Glad you have your beautiful babies happy and healthy xx
Beautifully written, thank you for sharing! My first was a failed induction, failure to progress, emergency c/section. My one remaining regret from that time? I was so exhausted and asleep afterwards, I didn’t get to hold my son until 5 hours later.
That is often one of the sad outcomes of an emergency c/s – it really is such a huge strain physically and emotionally on our poor bodies. Thankfully you have the rest of your life to make up those 5 hours to him <3
Such a beautiful and moving post. I had 4 c-sections – my first an emergency. I had a horrific time after the first c-section. I struggled with feelings of failure, letting myself down etc. But I know that I (or my daughter) would probably not be here today had it not been for the quick decision to ‘get the baby out!’ And I was advised (very wisely and honestly) by my OB to have all future deliveries by c-sections. Even though I had to birth my babies that way, I’ve still been subject to snide remarks from other women. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is a healthy mum and bub. Thanks for sharing and encouraging others who are dealing with similar feelings.
Thank you so much for sharing your very similar story Debbie. I have heard comments from women saying that I was naive and gullible to trust my OB. Which I think really undermines all the amazing, caring, and genuine OBs that are out there doing their best for their patients. Glad you had a wonderful relationship with your OB – it can make a world of difference.
Thank you for sharing your story Nat. I was once told by a family member after my first baby that I had not actually given birth since I had a c-section. I’ve given birth to two beautiful girls by c-section and a VBAC and both were just as special as the other.
Kerina – that just makes me so sad
Really – why would someone want to say that?? Congratulations on your beautiful births xx
Thank you for sharing your story and your belief that there is no failure when giving birth.
I had to have c/s because of a back injury. Even as the midwives looked directly at the huge sugical scars on my back, they asked why I had a c/s and then gave me attitude when I gave them my answer.
No matter how it happens, it is a wonderful thing. No one should judge anyone for how they do it.
Oh dear. Some of those midwives really need to find a new vocation. I am thrilled to hear that you could have your beautiful baby.
Thank you for 2 yrs I have been trying to find the words to describe my daughters birth. You got it so beautifully thank you. Unfortunately for me I had an ECS after beening in hospital for 4 days and I was knocked out as soon as she was born. The first 2 days of my daughters life I was on morphine and couldn’t hold her as the 1st time I held her I wanted to look at her face not the top of her head. I then had to listen while the doctors, nurses referred to me as “artificially feeding” my child. (I had to bottle feed due to morphine) I was doing the best I could after nearly losing my life yet somehow they made me feel it was wrong and I to was a failure. So again thank you for your words it has helped me start to write the story of my daughters arrival.
Oh Nikky – I want to give you a great big hug!! You absolutely did the very best for your baby, under some very challenging circumstances. You are a SURVIVOR and a brilliant mother to boot!
Absolutely beautifully written Nat.
I don’t believe there is a ‘right’ way to have your baby.
In the end to me the most important thing is a happy and healthy Mum and a happy and healthy Baby. That’s it. Nothing else matters.
It doesn’t matter how our babies come into the world. xx
Thank you so much Biance xx
Thank you for sharing this. I, too, had to have a c-section for my first. I too felt like I had failed. I was geared up for an all natural birth, but he had other plans, and decided he liked sleeping sideways inside! A “failed” ECV followed and I was wheeled in for a c-section. I was told horrible things by the previously supportive natural birthers (not all are like this though!) I wasn’t really a mother, I didn’t birth my son, I let him down, I failed.
It took a long time for me to get over that. It really did.
Years later I fought for a VBAC because I felt it was the best option for me, however when it came down to it I had to have a c-section, and that was okay. I had done my best to get there but I didn’t feel like I had failed.
Renee I think your story is really inspiring. Sometimes we have to let go of our plans, so we can be open to what is really needed. Congratulations on your babies <3
I was a very naive 1st time Mum…my understanding of a cs was that you only needed it if either your or your bub had a medical condition. I knew there were things called emergency cs (my younger sister was born via cs and all I knew of that was that she just got “stuck”) but I thought these were pretty rare. OMG how funny to think this now!!
I’ve had two gorgeous little boys, both by non-elective cs. When we’re ready for #3 the birth will be an elective cs. I’m a little sad that I’ll never give birth “naturally” and I have some of those same feelings…especially failure.But I know I tried and it wasn’t meant to be that way for us… I don’t dwell on it.
Instead I bless every single day that I have my little men here with me, Two healthy little guys who really don’t care how they got here and that’s all I need
Good on you Nat for letting us talk about our experiences x
Thank you Amanda <3
THey really don’t care how they got here do they! Can you imagine them talking about it in the playground? lol
All the very best with #3 – I am sure the birth will be just beautiful!
Great story Nat! Pretty much almost the same as me! I went through what you described minus electing an epidural, pushed pushed, nothing into c section my baby was stuck my pelvis too small for baby to go through apparently and I had lost ALL of my waters so my uterus was wrapped tight around her.
I do not regret a c-section. I am so LUCKY that they exist because back in the “old old” days we both could, most likely would have died. I don’t care how my babies come out as long as I get them to cuddle!
Thankyou for sharing Neen. What a scary situation. Thankfully you are here (with baby!) to tell the story <3
Thank you do much for sharing your story. I too had tears.
My first child also was born via emergency caesarean & I hate the way people look at you when you say “caesarean”!!
My 2nd child was born via an elective caesarean due to the medical complications experienced the first time.
I too am so very grateful to have 2 healthy, happy cherubs & also for my own health & well being too. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.
I would love to have experienced a natural birth but it wasn’t meant to be.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story
Thanks Kellie. I did have many doubts about whether to discuss my story, but your kind words (and everyone’s support) assures me that we need to be OK with talking about this. So thank YOU!
Thanks for sharing your story Nat. Personally I never even thought about c section as a ‘failure’ or the ability to home birth as an achievement. I never had a ‘proper’ birthing plan; the only thing I had on my plan was that I wanted an epidural!
Lol Eve – I think that is on quite a number of birth plans!!
I had my first two naturally and then 14 years later had no. 3, unfortunately i had a low placenta and had to have a c-section, however my waters broke and i had to have an emergency c-section, it was all over very quickly but i was knocked out. I did feel sad that i missed the moments after his birth but was lucky that my hubby was outside the operating room and was with baby straight after he was born and filmed all of it for me. I am very close to my no. 3 and we love each other so much, it hasnt made any difference.
Thank you so much for your comments Jo – it is quite amazing how quickly it can all happen in an emergency situation. It’s fantastic that they encourage the husbands to step in on these occasions. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi , I was so moved and touched by your story . I had an elective C/S . You may ask why . This is my story. I always thought I would have children by the time I was 25 , but 25 came and went and so did 30 and then I met my soul mate . We married and planned to have babies , lots of them . We tried and tried and then tried some more , I mapped my temperature , I did it all but sadly time kept passing us by and still no baby . I eventually went on IVF , after many years , many attempts and much sacrfice to be able to afford these treatements , I finally fell but I was 40 . I had a good pregnancy but my blood pressure went sky high at the end , my mum and both my sisters talked to me about having an elective c/s , after all the prodding and poking and intrusive procedures I had to endure to get to this point I gladly welcomed someone voicing what was whispering in my head , have a C/s , I had a friend whose baby had died in childbirth and this was my one and only chance to have a baby and become a mum that I so desperately wanted to be , my doctor was wonderful, the nurses and midwives were wonderful and I have the most amazing little 7 year old boy, I call him my heartbeat because that is what he is to me . My love , my bonding with him as a mother is no less than those that have given birth naturally. I feel blessed I was able to make a choice that suited me and everyone is entitled to that without judjement. I applaud all mothers , we all love and adore our children the same way regardless of how they have entered this world , adoptive mothers love and bond with their babies and they enter their childs life through the most amazing gifts from mothers who sacrifice so much . TO all mothers , you are all amazing .
Oh Lynette, you have truly touched my heart. How on earth could anyone deny that this was the perfect birth for you and your little boy. Congratulations on his arrival – what am amazing day that must have been – to hold him in your arms at long last. Congratulations – I am so very very happy for you.
Thank you. Now that I have wiped my tears (& nose) I can smile and type.
Like many other women my story is similar. Brilliant no hassle pregnancy, good labor, got to 9cm, pushed for 2 hours in every position known to man, but little Mister had turned.. and turned.. and turned til he was good and stuck. Hushed whispers, knowing looks among the staff and then.. wheeled off for surgery. I didn’t mind to be honest, it was a relief to have my gorgeous son out and to be able to cuddle him finally! It wasn’t what I had had planned birth wise, but I got my outcome!
What HAS upset me though, is the fact that my little man had so much trouble attaching to the breast. I had midwives, doctors and “specialists” all come in and have a go, a good look and tell me where I was going wrong.. heck, I even had the lunch lady take a look!! My little man would just scream and scream and scream, brick red, push away, turn his head etc etc. It was traumatizing for the both of us! When they’d ask “how was he born?” and I told them “by Cesarean” they’d all nod knowingly and go “oooohhhh, that explains it” After the 10th time I demanded to know WHAT exactly this explained, but no one could tell me!!
Turns out the C.S had nothing to do with it. My son was highly dairy intolerant (almost outgrown it now Praise God!) Any dairy I had in my system was causing him great pain. That had NOTHING to do with way he was born, yet they’d all nod and give me a “hmmm” patronizing look!
I never realized how annoyed or hurt I was by those looks until I read this blog. So, I’m sorry for venting my frustration now on here, but I thank you for the opportunity to do so and find a little bit of closure that perhaps I needed..?
Honestly though I don’t care how my son was born. I’m grateful that he made it safely into my arms (in the end!) He was alive, he was healthy and still is. I don’t mind my scar, it’s a reminder of the greatest gift I’ve ever received. I’m thankful for the midwives and the surgery team and I’m thankful for the fact we live in a time, a place and age where such medical procedures CAN be carried out. I’d hate to think what could of come of my son and I without all this!
I think many people out there should read this blog and realize that a birth is a birth, no matter how it happens and that NO MOTHER OR CHILD IS A FAILURE.
Thank you Mummy smiles, you’ve helped me to smile too.
God Bless! X
Oh Em what a beautiful comment. You are an amazing Mummy, bring your baby boy safely into this world. Breastfeeding can be hard at the best of times, so it must have been a frustrating time for both of you. I am so happy to hear he is happy and healthy – and HERE!!
Bravo on your post! I had an elective c-s for my twins in April and what an amazing experience it was. I felt completely calm and trusted my lovely doctor entirely…and the end result could not have been more perfect. A precious boy and girl all of our own! Are you able to tell us who your Ob was?
Hi Ellie – congratulations on your beautiful births! I found my scheduled c/s were all very calm with a wonderful energy in the room!
Thank you for this wonderful post. My son was born via emergency c sect after his heart rate dropped to 20 bpm. About 8 hours into my labour, I knew something was horribly wrong. The nurses just thought I was panicking as it was my first baby it took them half an hour to realize they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Through my entire pregnancy I was determined to “do it the right way.” I had people tell me afterwards that I had not experience “real” labour even though I labored for 9 hours with no drugs or gas. It was bad enough that I had to deal with not knowing my precious boy was alive for those first four terrifying hours after coming out of the GA, but then to have my friends tell me that I’ll do better next time was a kick in th guts. I found myself feeling more and more depressed about it until I realized, that intervention saved his life. Were it not for those amazing doctors, I would not have this gorgeous little man snuggled to my chest. It shouldn’t matter how a baby is born. Thank you again for sharing your story.
Oh Sarah how scary. You are incredibly strong and powerful. I am so glad you have your bubba to snuggle in your arms
Thankyou for sharing your story with us. Unfortunately too many of us have gone through the agony of seeing our c-sections as ‘failures’. My son was breach and even with the weeks of knowing he was probably going to be c-section it took me several months to come to terms with. Causing PND and affecting my relationship with my son. I missed those first few precious months with my son, all because I was too hung ip on not having even gone into full labour. Fortunately, while my CHN seemed determined to rub my nose in it, I managed to get help and my son & I are now as close as and mother & child. I just wish I could look back on those first months with a smile.
If you are reading this and feeling done about a recent c-section, please don’t listen to the negative comments of others and chose to push any negative thoughts aside. ENJOY your little miracle. Afterall, none of us have kids for the labour!
Oh Allison it makes me so sad to hear this – you are a SUCCESS! You have birthed a beautiful and healthy baby – you are AMAZING! I am so glad you have found your bond with your son
I can’t believe some people. You have a healthy bub and how they got to take their first breath doesn’t matter. I had a natural labor and still feel ripped off and like I didn’t really get to experience childbirth. Just be happy with your heathy bub and the wonderful job you did to get him here.
I now have three beautiful healthy children. All born via c-section. The decision to have a c with #2&3, while gut-wrenching, was easy. I chose to listen to people’s opinions if founded, and ignore those that were based on rubbish. Would you believe that after my son was born I had a CHN tell me that it was illegal in WA for a woman to have more than 2 c-sections!
Wow! Thankyou! I too had an emergency C/S and then couldn’t breastfeed. What judgement other women put me through!!. It is sad ‘our own’ don’t support more knowing everything we have been through and be more understanding that things not going ‘right’ are more traumatic and need more care than when things do.
Thankyou and I hope more people read this and be more understanding.
Thankyou.
I loved how you wrote about this. Thankyou so much.
What I realised is that I didn’t ever think I was a failure, but had people telling me (maybe not in those words) that I started to believe it. I had to remove some judgemental birth people from my life because it was just too stressful and was developing terrible anxiety. It was a shame I had to go to extremes, but I feel a million times better.
Bella it can be really sad to be pushed to those extremes, but sometimes it’s the only thing we can do to be able to stay positive and happy. Thank you for your comments
Thanks Natalie. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in a world without judgement? Maybe one day…. Congratulations on your little bubba!
Well said everyone!!!! Now we just need to get our health professionals to start supporting women and showing all women the respect and admiration they deserve, regardless of how they have delivered their babies into this world. Same goes for whether or not a woman is able to or chooses to breast feed her baby.
I am deeply saddened when people make comments about my birthing and post natal experiences. Having a mother in law who is a midwife has been wonderful at times, but I have to say hearing her talk about interventions in such a negative and judgemental way makes me furious. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I have heard her talk about some “amazing woman who just came in and pushed a baby out with no pain relief and then went home the next day”…and how “that’s the way to have a baby”. Makes me so angry. I suffered with severe post natal depression (verging on psychosis), I had a baby who was lactose intolerant and I also had flat nipples, and people still ask me if I’m disappointed that I didn’t persevere more with breast feeding. You have got to be kidding me!!!! Talk about making women feel guilty. Thank god I had such a wonderful husband and MCHN who supported me completely in all my decisions and reassured me that having a healthy and happy mother and baby is THE most important thing.
Oh Jacki – you got the double whammy! A Mother-in-law and midwife in one! I am so glad you have the support of your husband and MCHN – this can make a world of difference in challenging times. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. really love this article because everything written in this is so true, I have had 2 c-section i had a very bad car accident a few years ago and my back is in really bad shape some days i cant even mop the floor from the pain i have 6 damage vertebrae i consulted a neurosurgeon a orthopedic surgeon and my obstetrician and the conclusion was it was safer to deliver by c-section than rupturing a vertebrae as i can not bend for long periods of time. The C-section it self went smoothly the recovery was great. i had some difficulty getting the epidural in due to my back and have been advice by the doctor if I choose to have another baby i will have to have general anesthetic. I don’t usually tell people this as i don’t think is necessary for me to be telling strangers at playgroup or the shopping center my medical history but i have encounter similar situation someone told me a was not a real mother because i hadn’t birth vaginally. It made me angry at first but then i pity them to see how ignorant someone can be by making statements like that and to be judging someone on the way they gave birth to their baby, or to think they are entitle to tell someone else what to do with their bodies. I have read many articles by the home birth association and it sadden me to read how they make comparison of c-section to be the equivalent of being rape. this sadden me very much. yes childbirth is a natural thing but not everyone can birth their children the same way. there is a myth that vaginal birth are safer both c-section and Vaginal birth carries risk and at the end of the day birthing is an important stage of motherhood but more importantly is for your kids to be safe, healthy, and provide a loving happy environment. My children are my life and i am no less of a mother than anyone else we are all trying our best.
Wow Karla – what a journey you have been through in order to welcome your babies into your arms. I think you are incredibly brave. I do find it sad when people presume to know the reasons behind our decisions and outcomes. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I have two children thus far and both were birthed vaginally. I am not going to pretend that I understand the emotion that goes on for any other woman who gives birth however they do it but I’ve got friends who feel real grief and loss over not experiencing either labour or vaginal delivery and I feel really sad that they feel like that and that they feel looked down on by others. I really hate hearing the term natural” to describe birth – c sections save lives!! Some people birth vaginally, some via c-section. “All birthed beautifully by cesarean” – absolutely!!
Thank you so much Louisa for your beautiful words – your friends are very lucky to have someone who sees all births as beautiful. Congratulations on your two babies!!
I had a very uneventful pregnancy until 35+3 when I went into sudden labor. At my last checkup she wasn’t engaged and they thought she was breach when I was in labor. As much as I wanted a vaginal birth I wanted a healthy baby more. She wasn’t breach and I birthed my daughter vaginally in 2hrs 36mins. I went into shock and don’t remember a lot after my daughters birth. I felt ripped off, I loved being pregnant and was not ready to share my baby with anyone just yet. I also wanted to go through labor like we are supposed to not the early fast kind like I had. But I have the most beautiful little girl and she is healthy and well. She was 5lb 13 born so I did such a great job to get her here at a wonderful weight. I don’t think there is such thing as a perfect birth, all we need is the perfect baby at the end of it, some people don’t even get that.
Congratulations Ang! You most certainly did do a fantastic job to bring your baby girl into the world – healthy and happy!
Thank you for writing this post. I gave birth this year to my first child. I had a non-elective c-section after a long labour. I’m still trying to teach my heart what my mind already knows – all the sentiments you so eloquently wrote about. Reading this post helps me get that much closer to being ok with how I gave birth – thank you.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby! Thank you for your comments
I had my first baby at a young 19 and he was a big boy, 10 pounds exactly he ended up being. I went 10 days over due and drs decided C-section would be best. Ended up being I was sent to the main maternity hospital here in Perth from my little tiny suburbs hospital and was told I didn’t need the c-section. I had just been told by a dr. (older senior dr) the baby was big and very high up and that was an indication something could be wrong so lets get him out. Now this young dr wanted me to be induced. I panicked refused to be induced. The absolute hell they put me through that morning. My husband hadn’t yet come back to the hospital and I was so scared. They told me all the bad complications that could happen with a c-section and the risks. This after the previous hospital told me how low the risks were. Love how they change it to fit what they want you to do. I held my ground and they did the c-section and were very rude to me because of my refusal to do what they wanted. There were whispers later that the baby was high and they didn’t think I could of had him naturally but never a apology to me personally. I had 2 more babies and they were both the same, big and very high. For some reason my pelvis just doesn’t accommodate them lol. I’m glad that I stood my ground and trusted myself there. I was about to give in and try the natural birth but I didn’t. The doctors I seen at the same maternity hospital that delivered my first said with number 2 and 3 c-section was best.
I did have a few moments where I wanted that natural birth but my c-sections went well. No complications and little pain. Now that they are older I don’t even think about how they got here, just love they are here.
Oh gosh – to think of all you had to go through! Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are a very brave Mama!
Excellent article Natalie. Definately there is an air of “failure” around caesars (and not breastfeeding until they are in high school, and not always feeding homemade, organic food etc etc!)I also had a cs after 30 hours of labour and then I so wanted the VBAC next time around and was convinced to have an elective cs due to the previous one and to size of baby #2 (almost 10 pounds) but I have two gorgeous little boys and that is what counts!(Who cares that on my records it had “cs as a result of failure to progress”. Blahhhh…
Thanks for sharing your story and obviously helping so many people to identify.
Great post. I was born by c-section, an emergency, and my 3 younger siblings were all vaginal births. My Mum is grateful for all 4 of us (most of the time anyway
). I know that I am grateful for being born.
It is time that we celebrate all births, no matter where they are or how they are. Every baby is a miracle.
Thank you so much Melissa – you made me laugh. Very glad your Mum is grateful for you all
Fantastic post. A good “birth” is where there is a healthy baby and a healthy mum, doesn’t matter whether it is vaginally or c-sect. I was lucky to have 3 vaginal deliveries that were relatively uncomplicated.
Thanks for helping to remove the stigma of c-sections.
Thanks so much Paula. That really means a lot
Thank you so much!!!! I wanted a natural birth but unfort my little boy ended
up coming via emergency c-section. I get very upset by people judging me
for having now 2 not by choice. Until anyone has been through the experience
of midwifes screaming at orderlys to push us faster into theatre with a heartbeat of less than 50 & a baby who came out blue & not breathing.
Nearly 4 yrs later & i am closer to excepting there was nothing i could have done to have a natural birth i have a beautiful boy & how he arrived is not important the fact hes here is a blessing & gift.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a scary experience. I am so glad you have your beautiful baby boy in your arms
This brought tears to my eyes. I gave birth to my first and only child in August 2011. I too had my birth plan all written out and knew that this would be the “perfect” birth. I was to be induced on Tuesday, but went into labor at 2am on Monday morning. Made it to the hospital and got my epideral. It seemed to be great. Things were progressing great . . . then i started to regress and all was downhill from there. Had to have an emergency cs and sobbed and was heartbroken that I was going to have to have a cs and not have her the “right” way. To top it all off, the epideral was not high enough so I had to be intubated. So not only did i not get to have her the “right” way, but I wasn’t even awake for her birth. I still struggle with this regularly, but am truly grateful for my happy and healthy beautiful baby girl.
Kathryn, every new story I read brings tears to my eyes. We can never undo the feelings that we had at the time, but hopefully we can eventually look back with kindness and a new understand of just how strong and amazing we really are. I, too, am thankful that you have a beautiful and healthy baby girl xx
Wow….seems like there’s a HUUUGE can of worms opened by your writing
I’ve just homebirthed my eighth child, which was after birthing twins at home in the water 2 days apart, which was after an emergency caesarean for my 5th child as he had his cord around his neck and was high, and would have strangled himself and we both would have died without it…..which was after my fourth being a lotus birth, water birth at home, which was after my third being a homebirth that was beautiful but I had really crappy midwives and post natal care that led to crap bonding…..which was after my second in a hospital that was almost like a homebirth and totally gorgeous, which was after my first which was in hospital and I tried to take all the drugs but the buggers wouldn’t work, and it was all a bit of a shock…. Got a few stories in there, and I have to admit that before I had my emergency caesarean I was one of those homebirthing extremists that wouldn’t have given any of you beautiful women a hard time….but I would have thought very judgemental thoughts about you all. Nothing like experience to change your perspective though!!
By the time I got to hospital after 19 hours of labour, I was so tremendously glad that they were all there and could help me…I thanked them all so profusely which might have freaked them out – especially after they’d read my birthing plan! And it was a perfect birth. I learnt so much. And I stopped being judgemental. And we were both alive. And I copped a lot of shit from some homebirthing extremists myself, which was good. And I freaked people out by telling them I had a perfect birth, and it was an emergency caesarean. A lot of women who felt like failures about thier own caesareans felt empowered by a homebirther like me having one and being proud of it. And I wrote about it on my blog…in three parts.
http://spunoutpost.blogspot.com/
The first is in November 2009, second in December, and third part in January 2010. And then my story got accepted into a book called Birth Journeys, which is all about real women telling positive stories about birth…caesareans and hospital births and homebirths all!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/birthjourneys
But as anyone could see from reading all these comments above- there’s a lot of pain in women who’ve been battered about by the war between homebirth and hospital birth. Advocates of both can try to scare the crap out of women to get them to do what they believe is ‘right’, and they both can try to shame women for the experiences they had as well. And it’s just a damn shame. Cause in getting caught up about what’s right and wrong, we’re all arguing, rather than exploring all the possibilities and potentials, and how to care for the darlins when they’re home, and how to deal with sibling rivalry, and a partner who’s missing you, and how there’s such a thing as natural caesareans too!! And there’s all sorts of options and ways of birthing that are ignored or just sit in that big grey area between hospital and home birthing. Too many women’s stories are unheard because they don’t ‘fit’ in the appropriate paradigm, and it’s just not fair on any of us!! I reckon it’s time that we all took birth back, out of the hands of dogma and judgement, and create forums where all possibilities, experiences, and opinions can be acknowledged and respected. I also wrote a blog post about this called ‘Trust birth? Well mostly’ in November 2011.
Thank you so much for writing so beautifully about your experience, and for giving voice to so many other women and experiences through doing it so eloquently!! Thank you also for your honesty, and your compassion for so many others…. I really hope that one day we can all realise that birth just is – there is no failure, only lessons. And then maybe we can all get on with celebrating it no matter how it occurs, and learning and sharing about all of it – birth, childhood, learnt patterns, relationships, sex, death……all the intricacies of life!!
Thanks again, and blessings and peace to you all
Hellena, Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and share your experiences. You really have experienced so many different births! I thank you for your open and honest expression of your feelings. I truly believe that the more we can discuss this, the closer we come to healing the pain for every woman that feels she has let herself down. Many many thanks.
I absolutely do not regret having a c-section. I was already in labour for 8 hours and 7 cm dilated when my gynae told me that my baby was in distress. My husband and I trusted the gynae’s instinct and years of experience and our little girl was born 15 minutes later. Although the umbilical cord was wrapped twice around her neck, her agpar was 10/10. We were very lucky. As much as I would have loved a natural birth experience, I am just happy that she was born safe and healthy. I don’t think it affected the bonding at all.
By the way, C-sections are actually very common in private hospitals in South Africa. Most mums think this is so that their gynae’s can schedule it in between hospital rounds, consults and golf.
Hi Nireshnee, thank you so much for sharing your story. What an awesome agpar!! I agree with the bonding…. I don’t think a c-section necessarily contributes to a lack of bonding.
Natalie … I had tears in my eyes – thanks so much for sharing your story.
You are an amazing mother and did what what necessary for your baby. You made the right choices for you and your situation – I hope you have peace in that.
Even though I am a big advocate for natural birth – there is no fail in my book – Birth is birth and should be celebrated!
I only encourage women to prepare themselves properly and if something unexpected arises, then it’s fantastic that we have amazing medical support.
I also think for some reason that when we give birth, we also give birth to something called “Mother Guilt” … uuuggghhh … we should all give ourselves a break – Being a parent is an amazing and challenging experience for everyone … but guilt is a useless emotion.
Keep focused on what an awesome job you did … xxxx
Thank you so much Tracey for such beautiful and kind words xx
Hi Natalie,
I have only just found your blog – and will no doubt spend hours reading it as I get to ‘know’ you! I found this post by accident – and you’ve put into words exactly how I feel about the birth of my first child. I’m now also a mother of 4 children (8,6,5 and 17 months) – also about to voyage into the world of a Kia (how did that happen?!) and just had to say thank you for such a wonderful post xo
Hi Katy! How lovely to meet someone with children of such similar ages and experiences! Stay tuned for a Kia follow-up post
Thank you for reading, and welcome 