My Little Worrier – Happythoughts and Worrythoughts (Giveaway)
Jun 22
** Giveaway has now closed. Congratulations to the winner, Kellie Muskett!! **
I’m not even sure where to start with this issue. I guess it’s something that I have hoped and prayed would fix itself over the years. I’ve been optimistic when well-intentioned people tell me “it’s just a phase”, and “he’ll grow out of it”. To be honest I still count on that happening to some extent. But right now, I have to face the fact that my son suffers from anxiety.
From when he was a baby, I just knew he wasn’t going to be one of those peaceful, calm and contented little people. From day 1 he hated to be rocked when he was held. He wanted to be perfectly still. Family would visit in hospital and start swaying as they held him – not even aware they were doing it. I felt like a crazy Mama asking them to stop moving when they held him, but I knew that the swaying movement would cause me hours of crying and distress after they had left.
So right from the word go – my son wanted absolute and full control of his surroundings. He loves structure and routine which certainly has its benefits, but when that routine is altered or if he is put in an unfamiliar situation, then he finds it very hard to process his feelings of fear and worry. The ugly side of his anxiety is that it often manifests itself in anger – sometimes leading to an uncontrollable rage or in the worst cases, a complete meltdown. It is at these times, when I feel completely and utterly lost. I feel helpless and hopeless.
Thanks to a series of sessions with our school psychologist, I am learning how to help him with his anxiety. It means constantly thinking ahead – what we are doing, where are we going. Does he know about that? Is he familiar with it? Will he be confident enough to handle it? How can I prepare him NOW for what is about to happen?
Some days I can’t even believe it myself. My son – the boy who calls out to neighbours, chatting happily by the fence. Stopping to greet the teachers, and maintenance staff at school – asking them how their weekend has been. This happy, charismatic, affectionate, beautiful boy – but underneath bubbles a little worrier, always looking for reassurance, always wondering if he is competent, capable, good, clever, talented, or strong enough.
A little while ago, a friend mentioned that she had heard about some books that were written especially to help children with anxiety. Well I couldn’t get my hands on them fast enough. Go Away, Mr Worrythoughts! and Happythoughts are Everywhere… are written and illustrated by Nicky Johnston. They tell the story of a little boy that is haunted by an ugly monster “Mr Worrythoughts”, and his superpowers that help to keep these worrying thoughts out of his head.
From a practical perspective, they have some brilliant techniques that children can understand and use, to help them gain control of their thoughts, and how to focus on the things that make them happy.
I found the books so useful, and such a rare and necessary tool for children with anxiety that I contacted Nicky to ask her a little more about her story and the books.
How old was your son when you first suspected that he experienced anxiety? What were the symptoms that you saw?
After the birth of my first son, I suffered severe Post Natal Depression. I think he ‘learned’ a lot of my anxious responses as soon as he was born. I was quite ill for his first 12mths and when I look back at photos, he showed quite a bit of anxiety even that early. As a toddler, he wasn’t keen to investigate new things, he was fearful of new people, new places, it was like something was holding him back. It was in his year of 4yr old Kindergarten that I truly saw his anxiety grow. In a room of 20 something children, he was different. He didn’t like to join in the singing, dressing up, having a go at new things, painting or drawing. He liked to do what he always did – play with the Lego or trains. He didn’t push himself outside his comfort zone at all. Socially, he was quite unaware of friendships, or social happenings around him.
When he started school, his demeanour worsened, and it began to affect his ability to learn. He was consumed by worry thoughts, they ruled his world. I initially took him to the paediatrician for an ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder – or Aspergers) diagnosis. While he ‘ticked’ a couple of the tendencies of ASD children, he didn’t register on the spectrum, and it was Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) that he was diagnosed with.
Do you remember the moment when you decided to write your first book?
As soon as I found out there was a ‘real’ issue to deal with, I went in search of resources and books to help him. While I found lots of books for parents of children, I found only one children’s book (but it was about a girl!). I was driving in my car when my first book “Go Away, Mr Worrythoughts!” came to me, and I wrote the skeleton of the story on a car park ticket while sitting at traffic lights. (You can’t control when the writing ‘muse’ comes to play) As soon as arrived home I wrote frantically the first draft of my book, and of course spent weeks editing and rewriting.
What has been the most significant change that you have seen in your son, since he began to get a grasp on his worrythoughts?
This book for us (even before it was a ‘real’ book) was a turning point in my son understanding anxiety, and how to manage his worry thoughts. Along with the ‘externalisation’ concept of the book, we have done a lot of work in teaching him communication skills (ways to verbalise his feelings) as well as enhancing his own self-awareness and evaluation. Practice of these skills means that now, at age 13yrs, he is able to identify a worry thought, deal with it and move on, quickly and more importantly on his own. These resilience skills are so very important to have, to take charge of worry thoughts.
What advice would you give to parents who have an anxious child? Any tips or tricks?
For those who suffer anxiety (both adults and children) it is involuntary and the reactions to anxious thoughts, the negative feelings these anxious thoughts create, are very REAL. Children especially do not make it up, regardless of how ‘silly’ or ‘minor’ the problem logically seems; the physical responses are very real. Communication is the key. Build a vocab for your child, to help them identify the differences between feeling ‘worried’ and ‘sad’.
Let school teachers know of any anxiety behaviours at home, especially those that affect sleep. Sometimes children can use all of their energy being in control at school then ‘lose it’ at home, or they can act out at school, with the teacher being unaware of the contributing factors of anxiety.
What changes would you like to see in our school systems, that would better support the mental health of our children?
I am extremely passionate about raising awareness of mental health issues in young children. To date, there are no agencies that focus on supporting young children (suffering anxiety/depression). The fantastic agencies such as Beyond Blue, Headspace, Sane etc… only deal with 12yrs and over, providing excellent resources and support for teens and adults.
I would love to see an agency take a focus on young children (under 12yrs) incorporating teacher/curriculum education in understanding and managing children with mental health issues with specific support for parents and support groups for the ‘little worriers’ too.
Nicky has very kindly offered a pack of signed copies of her two books: Go Away, Mr Worrythoughts! and Happythoughts are Everywhere for one reader. I cannot recommend these books enough, and if you don’t have a worrier in your own family, then these would make an excellent addition to your school or childcare’s resource library. They are also available to purchase (along with additional resources) from the Happy Hero website.
You have until next Thursday 28th June to enter. Australian residents only.
** On a positive note, Nicky’s first book “Go Away, Mr Worrythoughts!” has been adapted into a professional theatrical production (produced by Frankston Arts Centre) which is in its second year of touring primary schools in Victoria. In 2011 it performed in front of over 8000 students and the response from parents, teachers and students has been phenomenal. They are looking at potential opportunities to take this tour nationally making it a first of its kind. It is an innovative approach in educating children in emotional well-being and resilience through the Arts.
They would definately help me with our youngest, who is quite an anxious little fellow.
Thanks for such a wonderful post Nat
If I was lucky enough to win I would pay it forward & give the books to a friend. Her little boy who’s 4 suffers anxiety & they are just starting on the road to help him deal with it. These books would be a wonderful thing for both of them 
Thank you for sharing! If I was lucky to win the books I would give them to my friend whose son has been diagnosed with Asperger’s and Anxiety. The child particualry stuggles with his peers and social interactions which in turn then builds up anxiety. He is also struggling with his reading so maybe this type of book would help him connect with reading. Thank you
This is my eldest. My heart breaks for this vibrant clever little soul. This year I have ended up homeschooling him. Its been a hard journey. The school were determined he was autistic, I dragged him through assesments not only for a second opinion but a third pead as well as OTs etc. Only to be told he is not and he should grow out of the anxiety. Being able to help him would mean the world to me. To be able help him develop spme skills to tell me what is wrong would be wonderful.
What a wonderful post and so timley. My husband has always suffered with Anxiety and now Miss 5 has started to show all the signs too. Looking back she’s probably always had them, but I’d missed the problem. I’d love for her to be able to better understand what’s making her feel so sick. Thanks so much for sharing about these books.
I already have both these books and cannot recommend them highly enough. Mr 7 has struggled his whole short life and only now with the help of a child psychologist is he starting to learn how to cope.
Nikki is fantastic and we are so lucky these books are around!!
These books would be a wonderful resource to have for my kids and a few other little people I know. Life is difficult for kids – so many external and internal worries they have to deal with. I suppose a lot of the anxiety that my kids and others that I know develop is ofter from the way that I and other parents deal with their own anxieties. Would love the opportunity to read these books with my kids and get some advice on this matter.
SA has a government organisation called CAMHS child and adolescent mental health service. It offers support to families of young people with mental health issues including anxiety as far as I am aware. It’s a shame this service isn’t available in other states.
I am starting to see my own mental health issues show in my children and whilst I am slowly learning to deal with the issues that I struggle with, I am at a loss to work out where to start with my kids. This looks like a great starting point, thanks for sharing.
My son Luka is a little worrier and has always been. He’s always had what I’ve called “irrational fears” from vacuum cleaners to flowers (you should have seen how scared he was being a paige boy when they tried to pin a boutonnière on his lapel).
He has grown through some of his fears but as he gets older the fears get more complex. He’s even afraid of making mistakes at school and in some way it affects his learning.
I would love these books for Luka because we’re at the stage of watching and seeing and haven’t gone down the intervention route yet. Trying some of these strategies at home would be very useful, especially as it’s presented in such a fun and age appropriate way.
Miss 4 is off to prep next year and I can already see her starting to stew about it whenever it is mentioned. I would love some resources to start talking to her about worries and anxiety now before it becomes a bigger issue
I think these would really help my son….He gets quite anxious about school..I think these would be a great fro him…
If I was to win this I would give this pack to my sons childcare. When I drop my son some off there is a little boy who is always screaming down the house. He walks around with his pack back and the teachers try to calm him and help him to settles and then he would cry louder and then the other kids would begin. Also my sons and two of his friends start the preschool program in two weeks so I know these book will help them with the transition.
What a touching blog post Nat. As I read the comments below, I feel the ‘pang’ of isolation felt by those who know or who have a ‘little worrier’. By sharing our stories, we help others who feel like they are the ONLY ones dealing with the effects of anxiety. Thank you for sharing this, and I am pleased to be able to offer a lucky person a set of signed books! You can join Happy Hero on Facebook for daily inspiration and helpful information for ‘little worriers’ – http://www.facebook.com/GoAwayMrWorrythoughts
Thank you for sharing this information Natalie & Nicky. This is such an important issue for children & adults. I’m so passionate about people communicating openly about these issues which affect so many of us. I had significant antenatal anxiety throughout both my pregnancies & more recently have realised I have a generalised anxiety disorder & now have an little 7 year old who seems to be following in my footsteps. I have been meaning to get my hands on these books for a little while. I can’t wait to share them with my daughter.
These would be ‘family’ books read to some littlies who are real little worriers and lent to them to take home as ‘special’ books from ‘Nanna’s library’
I have a friend who would find these books of great value.
I had severe antenatal anxiety with my third child, and I am worried about the impact of my hospitalisation on my eldest two in particular (aged 3 and 5 at the time). They both demonstrate anxiety at times, and I would love a tool like this to use as a teaching point and conversation starter with them…
A friend just sent me a link to your blog..
i’ve just started out on my journey with my 4 yr old who suffers anxiety. It’s recently been picked up by his pre-school psychologist. We are working with her attending an anxiety clinic next month wich i hope will give us some tips on how to help him deal with his feelings etc.
It’s all such a huge learning curve, so many things you have written in this post sound like my life. it’s so great knowing others are going through what we are, you just kind of feel all alone.
I would love to win these books, my son is a huge book worm and these would really help.
Thanks so much for this post, it was so good read it and be able to nod along to everything you said and feel a little less alone with it all.
You could have been writing about my son! We are in the process of getting some psychological help and it scares me to death! I worry constantly about how he is coping, and I’ve been searching for something like these books for a long time. Something that may help to assure him that things are going to be ok. Thank you so much for this post!
What a great resource and what wonderful work Nicky is doing for anxiety in our children. My little man suffers with some anxiety and I think the book would be terrific for him.
Thankyou Nat for writing such a touching post. Childhood anxiety is affecting our family and so many people just do not understand. Some tend to think your child is just disrespectful or lazy or just being naughty (depending on the circumstances or symptoms displayed at the time) and it’s just as tiring trying to explain the situation as it is dealing with a child in meltdown or one who is in a bout of uncontrollable crying over a seemingly “minor” thing.
My eldest son sounds very, very similar to your son Nat. He has always been very reserved socially and much prefers the company of adults (or older children) than children his own age. He’s always been very independant and routine has most definately been our saviour.I get the whole discussing/warning new experiences or changes so that he’s not completely overwhelmed when they happen
He also worries about everything and we have to be VERY careful not to watch the news with him around. OMG a bad fire he saw on the news almost 2yrs ago still affects him!
I can say that starting Kindy this year has actually seemed to help. Apart from some settling in issues initially, he has seemed to adapt and he is now interacting (and seeking interactions) with children quite happily. It was interesting when I first mentioned his behaviour/traits to his teacher, she straight up said “is someone in the family a perfectionist?”. BINGO, that’s me…it gave me some food for thought on how I am teaching him indirectly through my own actions.
Sorry for the “essay” lol, but it’s great to actually connect with someone who’s had a similar experience. I too have always told myself it’s just his personality and never really thought about anxiety issues. Thanks for the open and honest post
Wow – this post rang a little true with me!! I’ve always been a worrier – at 32, I still am!! And now I see signs in my first born who is about to turn 4. I would love to be able to talk to him in an easy way about this & these books seem perfect!!
Wow! You could have been writing about my 9 year old daughter! Exactly her symptoms!! We’ve just starting seeing a psych. Also just bought both of Nickys books which are great. Thanks for this post!
I have been searching for books and resources to help my 3 year old deal with his anxiety. He has now had 2 panic attacks and it is very hard to watch and I am unsure how to help him.
What a great resource! Where were these when I was younger?
As the mum of a very anxious 9 yr old boy, these books would be fantastic (for both of us!). My son tends to worry about everything, especially once he’s in bed at night. I have spent literally hours trying to find good information with little result – until now! These books would be a wonderful resource in understanding how our little man is feeling and how best to help him.
My son is a worrier. There are days when his anxiety just causes him to freeze up almost. Yes please!!
These books would be perfect for any child who is naturally anxious. What a great idea!
Thank you for sharing Nat
This is my eldest. He’s very much how I was as a child & I want to help him but was at a loss as to what I should do. These books will be a great starting point for him.
I’m just starting to notice some nervous tendencies in my 2.5 year old
… I am keeping track of her behaviour and hopefully these books will help towards understanding and dealing with her anxious feelings.
In NSW where i work in the western suurbs there is a child and adolescent mental health team called CAMS (I think)..readily accessed through your local community health centre..
Great ideas for books. Would the chance to win these books for my son. My son is 7 and has ASD. He is a worrier and really struggling at school this year to the point of wondering if we might have to withdraw him. I am sure that he would love these books and give him a great talking point to be able to discuss after reading the books.
This book would be fabulous for my six year old son who lives two lives between his Mother’s and Father’s homes; whom do not communicate and are in high conflict. His older brother and sister remain in my home so he does the movement all alone. He has a speech problem and wets the bed.
I think even my 3 year old could benefit from understanding some of these thoughts but I might even pass them onto my mum who is really suffering with depression. Even if the books are designed at children maybe they might help her see some light at the end of her dark tunnel she is travelling.
My daughter is also very anxious and a worrier, and always has been. It has been so hard to parent her and try and find the balance to help her feel ok with a situation but try to maintain some sort of flexibility. She has never slept well and finds it difficult to shut down the thoughts at the end of the day. I have recently started meditation with her, but am sure these books could help us so much.
My 7 year old suffers terribly from anxiety especially in challenging situations at school. She is the hair chewer, nail biting little stress bomb! These would help me so much x
I would love these for a friend’s little boy who is a worrier – she’s at a bit of a loss on how to cope with it – so I think these books would be a fantastic step
Having two young ones at the moment they seem so carefree but my eldest daughter is shy and I worry about that effecting her as she grows. Since experiencing some not so good things a few years back I have become more of an anxious person. I hate that someones actions have had that effect on me!
Perfect for my eldest daughter who suffers with anxiety issues.
These books would help my non verbal grandson who is 7yrs old and has autism. He is just starting to speak and has problems with anxiety. My son is 17yrs old and also has autism and anxiety issues though not as bad as he use to. I just wish l had something like this to help us out when he was younger. And also with the issues of keeping things together and losing it at home. I use to make the mistake of asking my son how his day at school was. He wouldn’t want to talk about it and l would ask again causing a meltdown. I found out from this Autistic School he had to relive his day in order to tell me and but also experienced the emotions he was holding in all day and would just let them all out with someone he felt safe with. So l tried not to push him or make too much of a meltdown after school. If he had a meltdown l would ask him if he wanted to listen to some music, watch a DVD or play a game, something he liked to do that would help take his mind of things and distress. My grandson gets frustrated too with his lack of language but is so bright and understand most things. This would help so much.
I’m not sure if I’m too late, as it’s still Thursday here… just!
I’m sure this would be helpful for my poor little guy! Sometimes it seems as though he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Life just seems to be stressful for him, regardless of the love, support, and help he receives from us and others. If I don’t win, I’ll purchase these books anyway!
My little grandson and his Mum would most assuredly benefit from these wonderful books, he worries about alot of small insignificant matters but puts on a confident demeanour until he is alone with Mum.He is only 5 with school approaching and I know he is nervous but does not want others to know.Would love to help in some way for both of them. Xo