One year ago I said goodbye…
One year ago today I lost one of the most significant people in my life. I knew that I would write this post, but I never quite knew how. There is part of me that wants to tell you how much it hurt. How hard it was to hold the pale, fragile hand of this man, and feel that a part of me was dying with him. I want to tell you how the pain doesn’t subside, and that time just makes it easier to live with. I want to tell you that the death of a loved one takes a part of you that can never be healed.
But then I know that this is not the legacy that he would have wanted us to remember him by. After almost 93 years on this earth he knew that life is too precious to spend in sadness, or in regret. As he lay in his bed in those last few days, I got to tell him how much I loved him, how inspired I was by him, and how the world would never be the same without him.
And now I miss him. So much. I feel like I had so many more stories to hear, so many more questions still to ask, so many more words of advice to adhere to. But I can’t. And I wonder why I wasted a single minute of this shared time when he was here with us.
But then I remember everything we did share. I remember every occasion we celebrated as a family, the funny things he did that made us laugh, the love he showed for my children. I remember the letters that he wrote me, I remember his belief in me, and his unwavering resolve that we are on a lifelong journey to learn, to be better, to do more.
I am proud of the scholarships and bursaries that now stand in his name, allowing those less fortunate to follow in the footsteps of so many great scholars that have passed through the hallowed halls of his beloved college.
In my mind, I see his wise face, I hear his little chuckle, and I can feel his noisy kiss on my cheek.
I look at photos and remember a man with dignity, a man with pride, and a man with a generous spirit. I remember someone who was kind beyond words, and who made a difference in the lives of so many. I remember a man who had the strongest faith, and believed without a shadow of a doubt that he was destined for a greater world than the one we walk on today.
So yes I miss him. But I feel like I continue to be guided by him. And I continue to feel his warmth and his love because it was so very special to have this beautiful soul in my life. He made me a better person, and for that I will always be grateful.